At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
