Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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