Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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