so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
