Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
