matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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