: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
