He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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