But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
