Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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