lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
