you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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