Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
