I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
