Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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