if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
