I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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