you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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