Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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