chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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