the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
