like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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