billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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