What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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