I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
