Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
