It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize