YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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