I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
