I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
