The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
