Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
