He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
