Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
