So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
