I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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