just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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