Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My balls are so social today.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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