OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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