The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
