Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
