I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
