I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
