so explain again why im purple
no
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
