So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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