Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
