OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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