Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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