Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
