Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
