Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
