Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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