do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
