I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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