if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
