New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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