I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
