Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
