Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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