please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize