I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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