I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
